Congrats

The devil inside me is in its mission.. He is going to make wonders in my research work.. Congratulation to me for getting selected for RGNF..

The boy and The tomato cart

He was waiting to take someone's lift, to cross the flyover. He took, off from the afternoon's program and was returning to home. With his goggles hanging between his shirts and with a cap on his head which was given to him for being a volunteer in the program. He was tired, after a long time of assisting people to their respective place. His bus was late and to reach his room he has to get down before the flyover and cross. Popping his thumbs and stretching his left hand, he was asking for lift near the flyover. It was peak hour where people were returning from office and tutions kept the road busy, and none stopped. He started walking on the flyover since nobody noticed him asking for lift. There he saw a boy who is just his hips hight, pushing a four wheeler cart carrying tomatoes on it. He thought that the boy is on his way to sell tomatoes. But it was too late for people to buy vegetables. He went near the cart to assist him and he had a casual talk.

He: Where are you going?
Boy: I'm going.............(breathing) to home?


(PAUSE)


He: Did you come alone?
Boy: (quick breath)............YES?


(PAUSE)


He: What are you carrying in your cart?
Boy: Tomato...

The boy was not very interested in answering to all his questions. But still he did answer to him because he was not bargaining tomatoes.

He: Where is your house?
Boy: (long pause)... At the end of this flyover?

They both almost reached the middle of the flyover.

He: In which school are you studying?
Boy: (smile)...... I'm not in any school.

The boy reached the middle of the flyover the cart rolled fast on the other side of it. Till then he was pushing the cart, and from there he was running behind it even faster...!!!

Adam and Eve (Rough Draft)

Language is a medium to share ideas they say. But how openly we can communicate the thing which we feel? When it comes to LOVE the situation is worse, where very few propose and very few accept or rejects. Remaining will create issues between the families. I tried to search, re-search some ways as supplement for the lovers…

LOVE: I remember the story of Adam and Eve. The church taught me how God has created them. I imagine Adam and Eve as my “Great Great Great Great……… Grandparents”. My soul gets filled with heavenly bliss because they are the first hand creation of God. I never felt bad/sad for any of their Sin (forbidden fruit), their fall, their curse blah blah blah. In photos (I mean paintings) there nudity gives me comfort.

I also remember after their fall they landed (threw) in a strange world called “Earth” which looks something like “Pandora” in avatar movie. God was kind then, He created earth exactly like heaven. But how God would have sent them to earth in those days? Does He send them through flight? Or simply He threw them from Heaven. No worries, since they had reached the earth without any wound. In Earth no one resembled like them, later they came to know that they are alone accompanying each other. They started exploring the new Heaven, they named all the plants, animals, birds etc and also they call themselves as Adam and Eve (I wonder how they have learned vowel sound first instead of consonants, may be because they were no more child or may be the forbidden fruits’ effect). The language helped them to share their experience. It became the main tool to avoid silence between their hearts. “Eat, Talk and Explore” became routine for them. I’m curious; how they would have explored/ experimented there love through language.

What would be there nickname? (May be Aa.. and Ee..)

How they would have conveyed their care?

How they would have expressed their love/ hatred?

What would be the word for kiss/ hug/ sex?

How they would have proposed? And so on.

Those words were their secret language of love. Which is unique and no one shares. The language is “secret” because none of us knew/ decoded it.
Why I’m sitting and thinking of all the abstract things happened in the past, researching on how to make love using language. You may think that I know no language or I lack communication skill or I am dumb. But these are not the reasons and let me tell my story. (Please bare with me if I bore you)

In so many ways I’m unlucky compared to my “G G G G G……Greatparents” in this so called civilized society. Mathematically I’m the nth hand creation of God (No no.. Adam and Eve). Here more than nudity the covering up of body makes me uncomfortable. I’m not aware the sin which I have committed, but God is cruel enough to throw me in earth. The nature starves and getting suffocated in earth. Many of them resembles like me and my mom with different complexion. There is nothing to explore sine things were explored more than enough. When it comes to LOVE many were left alone like me while their beloved are accompanied by their DAD or BRO’s. I (We) experiment some gestures in order to escape from my beloveds family.

I wink… - In public it becomes vulgar or she’ll not notice or sometime her mother/ relatives will notice and scolds.

So,

I whistle….

I wave hands…….

I send flying kisses…

I even try some romantic looks…

but in vein. My curse actually is; too much attention from the public. Even if I try to speak in Global or in Native language people can understand it. There is no secrecy/ privacy in the language. That’s why I started this research, and the result of it is “Go- Secret codes”. Now the covered up young Adam and Eve speaks in secret codes

Give me Amrutanjan

Do you want Icecreme?

Will have vodka..

Thus in this thesis I conclude “Go on knees” to propose and “Go- secret codes” to have your privacy in the public.

BEST WISHES

Aside

"Hello"
"Y-a-a...."
"No, I'm not sleeping, I'm just lying down"
"Ok, I'll be ready.... Come"

( I was talking to dimpy. She was one among many, who disturbs my sleep and puts a casual question "Are you sleeping". Always I feel like telling "No, but I was before your call". I wonder sometime, even if she knows that I was sleeping, she never fails to ask the same question. She always comes with an issue for which sometime I have to sacrifies my sleep)

"H-a-a-a-i i-i-i-Y-U-K"
"What re? You, Didn't take bath kya?
"You are looking tired/dirty/old.... Hmm.. different"

(Ya, this is the way she get exited after seeing me. She comments on my clothing, look etc. Always she worries (I don't know exactly) about such things. She accepts me "what I am" for herself, but to the public she expects different "I". Actually I was half sleepy then, and I doesn't want her to give stupid reaction. By the way what was the relationship between my 'half sleep' and 'not taking bath'. We need to ask her only:))

"Fine.. Whats up?
"I'm very hungry"
"Feel like eating something"
"Do you want anything?"

(Somtime her questions will be sensible, but of no use to get my attention. I'm stupid to care for her caring. But I had enough lunch and snacks, so I didn't tell anything.)

"Say something re"
"Am- I- disturbing you"
"Are you getting irritated"

(My silence means two things for her i.e 1. I'm sick, 2. I'm angry. (sometime the third reason will be my sleep which she never knows???) Apart from this she cant resist two things. One, silence. Two, the noise i.e silence which is mine and the noise of "Kadai" in the background. Still I have nothing to say except reading my messages in her mobile)

"shall we go to your room?"
"Is anybody there?"

(Oh! Now my sleep went and I started talking to her. Don't know how? May be the thought of getting “ROMANTIC” after so many days made my speech to flow. She doesn't know this was going in my mind; otherwise she will comment "You boys have no other thing to think". But I want to know what her intention of asking this question was. I said her "Nobody is there in the room, eat fast we'll go")

Even after going to room continued her talk. Again I was silent, not I started feeling sleepy again. But was watching her eyes, lips, dimple, ears…….etc,etc.
(just like that! Believe me, I really didn’t want to kiss her.. BUT?)

“……………………..”
“…………………….”
“………Hmmmm…….. Inka….”
“………………………………………”
“………………………………………Nothing”
“My phone is ringing……………………..”
“……………………………………………..”
“…………………………………..”
“………..So what?....................”

“Oh shit! It is 5.3o…….”
“I have to go”

(We both know that we were making it late. We usually stop things in the middle due to the late, just to avoid moving further. But at the same time in every meeting we try hard to move further but can’t. That was the commitment between us. I bet she also feels the same. I’m telling this for sure because
SHE LOVES ME
I LOVE HER and
WE LOVE EACH OTHER..

Confidence over Confidence

It was during my block teaching in KV-1, Uppal. I was there as a trainee teacher to teach them English. I along with my classmates were on a mission to implement new methodology in teaching. The students in the class too were very happy to see some new faces to have some fun. The teacher assigned class VII-B to teach, that was the first time I faced the classroom situation in my life. I had lot of confidence (actually Overconfident) over the subject. Finally, YES, "I did it", "I did it extremely well". My supervisor gave so much of positive comments about my teaching, in my record book. It says

"The class controll was good"
"Students actively participated in the class"
"The method and approach of the teacher was excellent" and so on.

I never know whether the students liked my teaching or not. But the alchoholic effect of the feedback gave me 'hangover' on the following days. I felt as if I am the best of best teachers in the country. I even started giving tips for my classmates regarding "How to teach? How to controll the class".

Few days later I was getting ready to teach class VI-C. When I entered the classs the students greeted me with a lengthy "G-o-o-o-o-o-o-d M--o--r--n--i--n--i--n--g" with respective my gender "S-a-a-a-a-a-r". I too greeted them in 'short' and straight away asked them to take the English book.

"Which book saaar- Prose-poetry-or Non detail" they replied

My first question went non-sencical before them. And I asked them to take "English Prose"

The noise of opening the bag zip/clip. searching the book, taking it out of the bag, sitting in there respective place, quarrel of someone for sharing the book. All these made me to feel myself as the commander in the battlefield ordering the soldier to load the gun and to take position. But still it was fun controlling the upper primary students.

"Turn to page 56"
Today I'm going to teach the lesson "where do all teacher go", I said
"Hey you? Whats your name? Ok, Read the first paragraph, I said pointing out a student from the last bench.

"I can't" he said
"why" I asked
" I didn't do anything, why are you punishing me" he said

"No... No sir"
"Who are you? why should I read in the class?"
"I'll not read" he continued

For a moment I thought asking the student to read was a crime in that school. I was losing my temper in the class, and was about to beat him. But the class reprentative stopped and told me that he has some mental problem. Also he convinced the boy to remain silent.

My confidence over confidence of becoming professional in teaching. got a fullstop there.

DARKNESS (Inclusion and Exclusion)

"DARK"

Whenever, I hear the word. My senses trembles, nerve get twisted, and the heart stops with fear. I remember the stories which my grandma tells, about "the dark and the world of evil". I get scared of things for no reason, but still my mind listens to her, why?

Is dark really the world of evil? What is evil? Does the word evil refer to the Ghost/Vampire/Satan/bad spirits? Even if such things exist, how can I see that in dark? And how these things got distinguished from each other i.e "the dark from the light"?

Bible says "In the beginning God created heaven and earth. And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the spirit of God moved upon the faces of the water" (GEN Chap1:1-2).

There was only dark when God created the earth. And when He created the Light and divides it from the dark, the Light (Knowledge) became the curse for the mankind. The light started differentiating everything under the sun, where men are unable to classify things exactly according to its 'goodness/badness'. He started analyzing things using his knowledge and he finds it difficult to understand the world of darkness. In this way 'the dark' became evil to human understanding.

I wanted to ask myself (you) a serious question.

IS DARK EVIL?

If the answer is yes, then what kind of reason(s) I’m (you are) going to give for my further discussions.

Let me take the three important stages of life Birth, Sex and Death. Womb is the world of darkness where the child develops, the act of sex takes place in the dark, and finally the death takes us to the world of dark. So, in all these three stages can we say that dark plays an important role?

Now let me throw (literally) some light on those three stages. In birth light brings the question of legitimacy and illegitimacy of the child. The sexual act in the light (pornography) corrupts human mind. Unnatural death i.e suicide, murder etc takes place because of knowledge (I’m using the word knowledge in a broader sense). In all this case light corrupts.

Before asking you (others) to argue against the above stance, I conclude by saying that dark is divine. It shows no discrimination on any non/living things. Both men and women will identify each other through senses and not by the shape of the BODY. Also there won’t be any kind of difference between the "dark and white", "upper class/caste and lower class/caste". Thus dark includes while light excludes, and there is no need to get scared of dark which is divine.

Now, THE COMMENTS ARE WELCOME..........

-

We throw a smile, when people disagree with us..

Now-a-days I'm not bothered about the attendance in the class, still I try to be present in the class. I like a girl in my class who is extremely unique. I call her by the name 'Ms. Disagree', I know she is smart/brilliant etc,etc, but I wonder How can she always Disagree with people. In the beginning I thought she is genuine in Disagreeing with others. And now I found, she disagrees with others just for the sake of it.

Today, as usual the class was getting bored. And there was a discussion about the magazine. Everything was going fine but 'Ms. Disagree' didn't get a solution regarding the budget and other stuffs. She had her own plans and approach regarding the magazine and she was preparing to pass it on others. But others doesn't want to follow the bullshit which she was shitting in the class. Nobody spoke against her in the class. Because they don't want to give her a chance to 'Disagree' once again. Whatever the case it will be useless shouting at the wall, we realized. So we planned to throw a smile on her Disagreement(s).